I always share with you all the mushy things my hubby writes to me, but after I was writing a portion of a letter to him I thought it might make a good blog post so you could see it from my side. This letter I’m writing to him is ridiculously long right now because this is only a portion, but I thought I’d share so here I go….
I love you just so much. You are just too adorable. That’s right, I said it…my persistent felon convict husband is just too mother fucking adorable. MWAH!
Every once in a while I ponder how I got here. I really BELIEVED I had something with R. I thought that was real and you only saw part of my hurt Honey. By the time you came in I was just desperate and bitter, lol. Devastated happened at the beginning of January. Actually it started in September and came to a head in January and C was just a momentary lapse of reason.
And there you were….good looking, but WAYYYYYY too Baba for me, lol. And even if I could get past the Baba thing there was no way I could do NINE FUCKING YEARS! End of story right? But then you just AMAZED me Baby. Just little by little showing me how spectacular you are. Always being my cheerleader, always being THERE. Those 2-3 time a week phone calls came to be treasured. I didn’t even realize that I was setting myself up to fall HARD. All I knew was that I looked forward to them and they ALWAYS made me smile. I was so giddy for that half hour and back then it was JUST the half hour. Made Warren sick when he was here, lol.
Yup, you were my best friend and confidante. I was talking/writing to you more than anybody. At that time I was probably communicating with you in one way or another more than ANYONE – friends or family and that’s how it grew. And I was just rolling along, never realizing the magnitude of what this had all become. And then that first visit and I was SO NERVOUS, and I didn’t even REALIZE how nervous until I couldn’t remember your damn DIN! I remember the drive from Mom’s to see you. I don’t remember how long it was, but I remember driving like a bat outta hell hoping I wouldn’t get pulled over for speeding. I remember watching the road signs and trying to estimate how much further I had to go. I was SO EXCITED! I was going to go meet the man who’d become my best friend for the first time.
I don’t know if I told you this but I specifically asked where you’d be coming out from because I wanted to see you the moment you came out. My eyes were LOCKED in that direction until you appeared and then you walked out with that great big smile on your face and I kissed you and I hugged you and I bit ya! My little hug with my teeth and you whined like a bitch like I’d REALLY hurt you, you big baby.
And it still hadn’t hit me Honey. The whole Cupid thing was cute, but I really just thought that you were putting on. Playing with me like I did you when I acted all offended that you weren’t checking out my ass, lol. We had a good time and that was it right?
And then the post visit letters started rolling in and it was like, “OH MY GOD! Now what?!?” That was really the first time I ACKNOWLEDGED my feelings Honey. Before that I was just FEELING them. Now with all these confessions from you I had to confront my own and I think the only reason I held onto my heart for so long was because I just didn’t want to do that time. I didn’t think I could DO that time. But when I did sit down to confront it, I realized just how good of a fit you were for me. That was the first step but I still had the hurdle of your time to get over. Honestly it was TEN YEARS because this was December 2010 and your parole eligibility date is November 2020. That was A LOT and I thought, “How could I DO this?”
That was my only reservation. Friends would point out to me all that I’d be giving up but it didn’t feel like I was giving up much to be with the one I love, but that time was a killer. And I thought back to my days in Emotions Anonymous and thought, “I’ll do it one day at a time. ‘Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not tackling all of my problems at once. I can do something at this moment that would discourage me if I had to continue it for a lifetime.” And that was it. That’s where my decision was made.
Baby I love you so much. I love your Baba accent! I love picking on it more, but I love everything that you are. I love when you’re a righteous little bad ass and I love when you’re mushy. I love your swagger and I love when you talk dirty to me. I love when you confide in me and I love how you sound when I piss you off. :P I love how you use actions AND words to show me how much you love me and let me know how important I am to you, like when you stand outside freezing your ballies off just to talk to me.
You had to prove your love to me before I could even think of returning it in kind, but you did that. You did it 100 times over Baby and I feel so blessed to have your hot, sexy ass in my life. I love you now until my last breath Honey so just remember that.
Hope you all enjoyed.